Growth Conflicts, Thorns into Roses

    In meaningful relationships there is a commitment to growth and honesty. It must be recognized that with this commitment there is an unavoidable parallel commitment to accept the natural tensions that go with growth. There is no growth that does not involve tension.

     Not accepting this reality is the greatest source of collapse of many meaningful relationships. Some who recognize their desire to grow believe the pathway is covered in roses and thus are not able to accept the real path which has both roses and thorns.

     In our ignorance our society has perpetuated the myth that true friendship is to be "happy ever after". That is the expectation projected onto any close friendship and, particularly in our culture, the institution of marriage.

     Marriage is a threatened institution in our society because we choose to continue to perpetuate this myth. For many, marriage can be the cornerstone of their meaningful relationships. Marriage has a commitment to honesty and trust. It is open-ended. What is also needed is the wisdom to not accept the cultural myth which sees the marriage relationship as a source of material welfare and security, worldly happiness. Marriage should be seen as a commitment to the fundamental purpose of life, growth towards wholeness.

     In any meaningful relationship there are roses and thorns. It is the thorns which provide the opportunities for growth. It is the transcendence of these conflicts which is the process of growth. In each conflict there is the opportunity to choose between the two pathways. Growth does not take place in the moment of conflict, rather the moment is a seed. The realizations take time to grow.

     The opportunity to grow is normally seen as a threat by the Personality Consciousness. To defend itself is natural and this defense can take many subtle forms. The most natural defense is attack. The Personality Consciousness reacts and threatens a point of vulnerability in the one who threatens it; thus arousing a defense and possible counter attack. Most people are familiar with this scene but don't understand that behind the conflict is a real opportunity for one or both of the participants. To realize the opportunity takes a firm basis of acceptance and trust and a consciousness that understands that growth conflicts are the gift of meaningful relationships.

     The point of growth can be a very difficult experience for some. Many choose to run and thus deny themselves and their partner the opportunity to grow to wholeness. It really helps to understand that when the Personality Consciousness firmly takes over, the insight of the Intuitive Consciousness must wait for a more peaceful time to be admitted.

     Some growth opportunities are realized and some are not. The tensions of the unrealized opportunities must be vented, for each in his own way. The growth in many relationships is blocked by the same growth conflicts which take place time and time again. These are thorns of the relationship. By looking at them with new insight, from the insight of the Inner Self, we can turn them into roses.

Back to Life a Journey to Wholeness: Part 2